March 9, 2006

Never Argue with a Doctor

Posted in Fun, Health at 10:10 pm by mj

Scott Adams on, among other things, arguing with doctors:

Now all I had to do was convince my doctor(s) that I wasn’t nuts and that I had a very rare condition. As you might imagine, when you tell a doctor that you think you have a very rare condition, that doctor will tell you that it’s very unlikely. Your first impulse might be to point out that “very rare? is a lot like “very unlikely,? but you don’t do that, because doctors have wide latitude in deciding which of your orifices they will use for various medical apparati. So you go with the protocol which involves systematically eliminating all the things that are more likely.

The next speech doctor had access to better technology than the first and determined that I almost certainly did not have the rare neurological disorder that both I and Google insisted I did. She based her opinion on how I sounded and the fact that it was very unlikely that I would have a very unlikely condition. But she did notice a facial tick that might indicate a brain tumor as the culprit.

I think I’ve noticed a pattern with doctors: when they’re stumped, they’ll suggest a brain tumor or some other vague brain thingy going on.

An optimist would say this is to fill you with relief and utter joy at eliminating the tumor, … or to scare you away if you’re a hypochondriac.

Me? I think it has something to do with the expensive MRI and CT equipment laying about waiting to be used. There’s nothing like a stumped doctor and a worried patient to stir up some business.

“Mister Jones, I’m afraid I don’t know exactly why your leg is turning dark blue. We could cut it off now, or… I know, how about an MRI? I’d just like to rule out a tumor.”

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